Cashing Out Shopify : A Comprehensive Guide
Alright, you degenerates. Today we're going headfirst into the world of
Shopify cashing out–the carder's equivalent of turning water into wine, except it's
CVVs into cold, hard cash. If you've been following my other guides, you know we don't fuck around with basic shit. This isn't some "How to Set Up a Lemonade Stand" tutorial. We're talking about crafting a fullblown
money laundering operation disguised as a legitimate ecommerce business.
Now before you get your panties in a twist thinking this is gonna be easy money let me burst that bubble real quick: this method requires more brain cells than your average "card and pray" approach. We're building a house of cards here and one wrong move can send the whole thing crashing down.
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In this two-part guide, we'll cover the unholy trinity of
Shopify fraud:
- Creating bulletproof Shopify accounts
- Carding the living shit out of them
- Actually getting your hands on that sweet cash
Part One's gonna be all about setting up shop. We'll create a
Shopify store so legit looking it'll make even you believe in your shop. Part Two will cover the practical steps of turning those transactions into cold, hard cash without leaving a trail.
This isn't for the the smooth brained carder stuck in their old ways of thinking. If you're looking for a get rich quick scheme, go buy a lottery ticket. But if you're ready to put in the work and have the balls to play in the big leagues, stick around. We're about to turn your carding game into a full-fledged enterprise.
Strap in because it's time to learn how to
launder money like a pro while
Shopify's algorithms are none the wiser. By the end of this series, you'll be running circles around
Shopify's security. Let's get this show on the road.
Why Shopify?
Let's talk about why
Shopify is the carders playground to cash out. While everyone is chasing
Stripe merchants, the smart carders are already exploiting
Shopify's weaknesses.
Shopify Payments is a carders dream come true. Once you're approved you get paid out the next day. No "we'll pay you when we feel like it" nonsense like with
Stripe and other processors. Speed is key in this game and
Shopify delivers.
Now here's the beauty of it all:
Shopify Payments is basically
Stripe in a cheap disguise. It's the same underlying tech, but
Shopify's fraud detection is about as smart as a rock. While
Stripe's AI is digging through your entire digital profile,
Shopify's just sitting in the corner like a blind retard.
Shopify's versatility is what makes it a carders playground. You can process a ton of transactions before anyone blinks. Selling digital goods, physical products and services?
Shopify doesn't care. This is perfect for creating believable storefronts.
Setting up shop is a piece of cake too. You can have a professional looking store up and running in no time. The easier it is to create legit looking fronts the more we can exploit. And
Shopify comes with marketing tools, analytics and even fulfillment services. They're basically begging us to create fake businesses.
But the icing on the cake is
Shopify's reputation. When you're processing transactions through a
Shopify store you're using their reputation. You won't have any problem with your bank's
KYC as you can just point them to your 'legit'
Shopify store.
So while the noobs are struggling to get approved on
Stripe, we're setting up shop on
Shopify, processing cards like there's no tomorrow and cashing out in lightning speedd.
Now let's get into how to set up these cash cows without tripping every alarm in the financial world.
Requirements
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Running a
Shopify cash-out operation isn't like setting up your lemonade stand. This shit requires some serious groundwork, especially if you're aiming for a US-based setup. Here's what you need to get your digital money laundering machine up and running:
- US Bank Account: First things first, you need a US bank account. Not just any bank account mind you. We're talking about one that won't shut you down easily. Credit unions and smaller banks are your best bet. They're usually too busy jerking off to their small-town charm to notice your suspicious activity.
- US Registered Business: Uncle Sam wants his cut, so you'll need a legit looking business. LLC is the way to go here. It's easy to set up and provides a nice layer of protection between your fraudulent ass and the feds. Delaware, Wyoming or New Mexico as we will explain later are your go-to states. They're like the Switzerland of the US - they'll keep your secrets safe.
- EIN (Employer Identification Number): This is your business's social security number. You'll need it to open bank accounts, file taxes and generally pretend you're a contributing member of society.
* Hidden text: cannot be quoted. *
I Don't Have Any of This Shit!
For you broke-ass fraudsters, I hear you. You're sitting in some dump of a country, dreaming of US-based carding glory but you've got jack shit to work with. Don't worry because I've got you covered.
First off, let's address the elephant in the room: getting all this legit shit when you're not even in the US is a pain in the ass. But here's the thing: we're carders. We don't play by the rules because we make our own.
Now there are "legitimate" ways to set up US businesses from abroad. Companies like
Wyoming LLC Attorney will help you set up an
LLC for about $200. They'll even renew it for you next year for another $160. Sounds great, right? Wrong. That's for pussies who plan on running real businesses. We're here for the quick and dirty cash grab.
Here's how we're going to do it:
1. LLC and EIN:
We're going to card our way to legitimacy boys and girls. Find an
LLC formation service that takes credit cards and doesn't ask too many questions. Popular options are
ZenBusiness,
LegalZoom or
IncFile. Use your best
CVVs to pay the bill.
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For the
EIN, let the
LLC service handle it. It's cleaner and simpler and reduces the number of places we're leaving our digital fingerprints.
2. US Bank Account:
We're going to go with
Mercury or
Relay for this one.
Shopify is picky about where it sends its cash and won't play nice with
Chime,
Varo or
Cash App Business accounts. Here's how we'll do this:
Mercury: These guys love a good story so spin one. Use your carded
LLC info to tell them a story of a growing ecommerce empire. Make sure your fake website looks the part. If they reject you, don't worry. Go for Plan B.
Relay: They're a bit easier to fool than
Mercury but still need some work. Use the same
LLC info and backstory.
Relay loves "tech-savvy" businesses so play that angle hard.
For both, you'll need:
- Your carded LLC documentation
- A convincing business plan (make some shit up but make it good)
- A professional-looking website (carded, of course)
- Fake invoices or contracts to show "ongoing business"
Remember that these banks might be easier than traditional ones but they're not complete pushovers. Your story needs to be airtight. Practice your lies until they sound like the gospel truth.
3. Virtual Office Address:
Good news for lazy fraudsters - your
LLC formation service should handle this for you. When you're setting up your
LLC, make sure you're opting for their registered agent service. This typically includes a business address in the state where you're incorporating.
Here's the beautiful part: many of these services also offer mail forwarding. This means when your shiny new debit card arrives from
Mercury or
Relay they'll forward it to wherever you want. It's like having a personal mail mule minus the cavity searches.
4. Aged Domain:
An aged domain with a clean history is your digital fake ID. Here's where to look:
- ExpiredDomains.net: This site's the goat. Filter for domains with high Domain Authority (DA) and a clean history.
- GoDaddy Auctions: Sometimes you can snag a beauty here. Check the domain history thoroughly.
What you're looking for:
- At least 2 years old
- Consistent nich
- Decent Domain Authority (30+)
- Clean history (use Archive.org to check)
Remember your domain is your store's face. Make it look good and make it believable.
When buying use crypto if you can. If you must card use a different card than the one you used for the
LLC. Spread that risk like butter on toast.
We're not building a long term business here. We're setting up a quick flip. The goal is to get in, get as much out as possible and get out before anyone notices. It's like a digital smash and grab.
Now I know some of you are thinking, "But d0ctrine, what about taxes and all that legal stuff?" Let me make this clear: We. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. We're not here to become upstanding citizens. We're here to make money and disappear.
One last thing: scale this shit. Don't just set up one
LLC. Set up ten, twenty, fifty if you can. Each one is a cash cow. When one gets burned move on to the next. It's like playing whack-a-mole with the feds and you're the mole operator.
Contd below...